Need help to correct drumming technique

Hi all,
 
I recently recorded myself to get a better idea of how where my drumming technique is at, and I discovered that I look pretty stiff and tight with my upper body, which I think is killing my groove. It looks a little awkward and jerky especially up in my shoulder area, and I'd really like to be able to be able to get my groove in the pocket so to speak. Especially since most of the drumming I do is simple beats (like playing in church).
 
Any tips on how to improve my visual/arm movement groove? It sounds silly, but I really think that's what's keeping me from playing freely and locked in. I've practiced with a metronome like crazy all my life and I feel that I've built a pretty solid tempo overall (I don't speed up or slow down) but I am often not able to keep every little ghost note or unaccented hit placed exactly perfectly in time like I want. I know mentally what I want to play and where it should be placed. I think I have a good idea of tempo and rhythm, but I feel physically unable to play what I hear in my head exactly in time.
 
I've also noticed a tendency to give too much weight to certain beats, like for example when I'm playing 8th notes on the hi-hat, it will often come out sounding more like messy quarter notes in a recording. I don't know if that's related.
 
Any tips you can give me to overcome this problem?
 
Thanks in advance for the advice, I appreciate any thoughts/ideas!
 
Ethan

It's hard to say without seeing you play, but it sounds like you might just  be playing with too much tension in your upper body. I would work on getting a little more finesse and bounce out of the sticks.
I had the same problem when I started playing. A non-drummer looked at me and said "get some bounce out of the sticks." It seems like this comes from tension and jerkiness.
I equate hitting the ride cymbal, for example, to bouncing a rubber ball. You sort of relax your wrist and use the inertia of the ball, not try and bounce it really hard and jerky.
Finally, make sure you are raising the stick to almost a vertical point in the off stroke, so you are not shoving it at the drums.

warm up, be as relaxed as you can, practice a looser grip..practice practice... but really.  relax.  and have fun!  i realized that i was also stiff, rigid, etc..  i just taught myself to relax more, feel looser.
 
the way i like to warm up; i like to do singles, doubles, paradiddles any rudiment you can think of..but at nice slow tempos..to get your blood flowing.  some times i'd get to a venue, and i'm tense as hell.  rather than warming up and trying to play as fast as i can..i do the opposite, and do the above nice and slow, making sure every stroke is nice tight and even.  i do that at long periods of time until i'm relaxed, and i'm not thinking so hard on my technique.
 
when i'm at a gig, i try not to hit too hard, and use as little energy as possible.  if you practice moehller, and your free strokes, making sure you're getting lots of rebound from your sticks, i find i can play really loud, fast, without much effort
 
in terms of practice...practice what you're not good at, for long periods of time.  at one point i practiced getting my doubles as even tight and effortless.  then came paradiddles..other rudiments.  i was total crap at moehller at one point, but i learned how to do it properly, slowly (and it took me months to get it where i want..and i'm still working on it).  hell..even simple rhythms like bosa nova, i had to slow it way down untill i got perfect (and i'm still working on it). 
 
always listen to yourself (as you seem to be doing).  criticize yourself, tell yourself what you suck at, and work on it slowly.
 
in the end though, it's really about making music, and having fun.  don't take yourself too seriously, or give yourself impossible goals.  i know i won't be on david weckl's level anytime soon, thats all good. who cares really

also, practice dynamics.  it's not necessarily playing a rhythm loud..and then soft.  sometimes it's playing a kick at high level, hitting the hi hat kinda lightly, and the snare right in between.
 
with ghost notes..practice making snare hits nice solid and loud..and ghost notes really quiet and controlled.
 
um.moehller, and gladstone?