Marriage thoughts- is it horrible as it looks?

Marry the right girl and you can be happy. I just celebrated 20 years with "the wife".
We don't have kids so I think that has something to do why we are still together.
I can go anywhere anytime I wan't. She sometimes goes on Vacations with her girlfriends
and I can say hay,  I'm going camping for the weekend. Total freedom.
But to each his own.

BTW - being married does not mean having kids.  i am happily married.  i love my wife and cannot imagine being without her.  however, i do NOT want kids. i am a teacher (like someone else mentioned) and i like the fact that i dont have a child waiting for me when i get home.
 
 

If you marry the wrong person, it's definitely bad, but if you marry the right person, it's definitely good.

I was married for almost 10 years and had a son. At first we thought it was fate, but later discovered our initial reason for getting married was lust, not love. Therefore we got married for the wrong reasons and we amicably went our separate ways. We separated for 3 years before finalizing the divorce a couple of years ago. The birth of my son is the only truly good thing that happened out of that marriage. The divorce has not affected my son whatsoever. We have joint custody of him, spend about equal amounts of time between us, and we always put him first, no matter what. I could never imagine living in this world without him. I don't regret getting married.
 
Having said that, I learned a lot from being married. I learned everything happens for a reason and it serves a purpose. Despite what others have said, it's OK to be a little selfish. Being selfish is being happy with yourself. Some people believe getting married is necessary to being happy, but they have it all wrong. You can't be happy with others unless you're happy with yourself first and foremost. The same is also true about you can't change someone unless they're willing to change themselves first. Once you are happy with yourself, only then can you find a partner to share your life with. But keep in mind that partner must also also be happy with him/herself. Only then can the two of you be happy together.
 
Most people think marriage is give and take, and that a couple getting married solidifies two halves into a whole. Again, wrong. Marriage is actually give and give - you giving to your spouse, and the spouse giving back to you. That's what completes the circle between a married couple. And this is where the selfishness goes away. But when you have two people together who are happy with themselves, I truly believe only those kinds of people can be even more happy as a married couple.
 
Having said that, this theory actually works. I'm very happy and content with myself and I met a lady who is happy with herself. We both came from recent divorces and have a lot in common. We've been together for over 2 years now, we live together, and couldn't be happier. This is the happiest I've ever been with someone to share my life with. However, we're not getting married. We've both been down that road before and have no want, need or desire to get married. Ever again. Why? We both believe that marriage can change people, mostly for the worst. We also both believe that marriage is becoming obsolete. Recent studies have shown that couples who choose to coexist as a family but not have the legal bindings of a marriage are more successful than that of married couples. IMHO, marriage should never be a necessity.
 
I know a lot of folks on here might disagree with what I've said above, and that's OK. I can't speak for everybody else. If marriage works for you, or if you believe in it, so be it. I happen to respectfully disagree. So whatever floats your boat. Your mileage may vary.

The only thing I'll add to the thread is that my wife and children are by far the best part of my life and any happiness I have in life is because they are in mine.

To some people having children might be a burden, to me and my wife, it's the greatest gift God could have given us.  I know kids aren't for everyone but there's for me there's absolutely nothing like getting home from work and my kids running up to me and hugging me and hearing them tell me they love me etc...  Nothing in life that I have seen so far compares to that.

I have a daughter who is 17 months old.
Having a child puts EVERYTHING into perspective - in a healthy and wonderful way.
 
But hey - people who are not into the idea of having kids usually become shitty parents - so don't sweat it. Live your life and treat others with respect. That's all there is to it.

Mugwump


My married friends just seem bored and miserable. I never hear “I am so glad I am married!” It’s always a sense of lament.

 
Well.... i think each marriage can be different and it is what two people make it. So their marriage seems like some sense of lament for sure.
 

Mugwump
 
And once you have kids, it seems your personal life is over. Especially in our “youthocracy” where the kids seem to rule the household. I have a friend who is married with two kids, and for him to get away for just a couple hours to jam is nigh impossible.

 
Well.... I dont get what your friend thought would happen with two kids. Now from what I hear kids can be pretty time consuming. Now when my wife and I have kids, I will certainly make it a priority that I can set aside time to jam but if we have two kids... I dunno i've thought about it... the kids come first, they will be my personal life. AND THEN after THEM me time might become a priority...  But i dont know how that wasn't discussed or thought about before hand... 
 
 

Mugwump
 
And married guys seem to have ask permission to buy stuff, go anywhere, or do pretty much anything.

 
 
I mean I don't have to ask my wife permission if I stop at a burger king or hang out with my bros here and there.... but our finances and personal goals are rather tied together so.... any large purchases yeah... need to be discussed. I didn't marry her to just buy things and keep her out of the loop. Also, we make a lot of plans and I am a bit of an idiot so I do often check with her that her and I didn't have a plan to do this or that... but it really isn't miserable, it's a partnership. 
 

Mugwump
 
Anyhow, I have a nightmare about doing nothing but working, taking care of kids, paying for kids, and spending the rest of my life driving to soccer practice in a minivan.
Any illuminating thoughts? It will be too late for me to have kids in a few more years…just wondering if I will ever be able to step up for this.

Well you said it right there, you are not a marriage guy, you like doing things you wanna do when you wanna do it. A marriage is a personal and emotional business with a partner. Kids take time and money.... so if you don't want it... then don't want it. Me... I want kids and know that what I want cost money. I also, am very confident i'll be able to write and jam around that schedule. My wife is sensitive to my hobbies as I am to hers. Im also fairly certain I got married for all the right reasons, now im a smidge young and that may not be true. 

I'd rather have someone else's wife and kids...wait, is that wierd?

im married with 2 kids and my band is opening for anvil next month...
 
marriage, just like life...is what YOU make of it...

heres a good quote, its actually from Nietzsche -
 
"Ah, women...they make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."
 
i guess you could substitute "wives" for "women" and it would be the same.  honestly, the best times in my life are moments spent with my wife.  i dont think a single guy will experience some of the highs that one feels when married to the right person.  however, i will also say that there are times when women make us want to put our heads in the blender...

Here's my .02. I have been married twice and the first marriage lasted three years and my current wife and I just celebrated 15 years together. Marriage can be great...or it can suck. It depends on who you are married to and how compatible you are with each other.

phentalmyst


im married with 2 kids and my band is opening for anvil next month...

marriage, just like life...is what YOU make of it...

This is the best thing I have read all day....thanx