Bad Movie Lines & Logic

Sometimes writers are really out to lunch when they come up with lines.  One that always bugged me was from U-571 when Matthew McConaughey and the two guys are up on top of the sub and when a plane shows up he says, looking through binoculars:
 
"Looks like long-range reconnaissance... what the hell is he doing all the way out here?"
 
Um, it's LONG-RANGE reconnaissance, of course it's going to be "way out here" doing, you guessed it, RECON!

"Future events such as these, will affect you in the future."

Well... it's not an illogical line, but I've always had a problem with the line "you have an attitude problem", I've heard it in several movies, I remember Back to the future (a movie I'm a big fan of) among others.

I don't know why, but i hate when that line pops up in movies, maybe it has something to do with the way it sounds in spanish (when the movie is dubbed in spanish... "tienes un problema de actitud") hehehehe LOL

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    "Future events such as these, will affect you in the future."  what movie is that line from? LOL

nattmorker

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   "Future events such as these, will affect you in the future."  what movie is that line from? LOL

Plan 9 From Outer Space.

From Beast of Yucca Flats: "Flag on the moon, How'd it get there?"  This is the movie attempting some sort of hip/noir-like narration, it's delivery is so akward it's hilarious. Actually to be honest you can pretty much grab ANYTHING the narrator says and it'll be awful.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054673/quotes

Anakin " I dooont fear the DAArk side like UUUUU DO!"

OH MAN
OH GOD
OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN
OH GOD
OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD

"Mother, you're alive! "Too bad you.... shall die!"

Yuuuup.
10 points to the person who gets those two.

Jobo13




"Future events such as these, will affect you in the future."

I was going to be disappointed if post #2 wasn't from Plan 9.  "STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!"

Lotsa goodness in "The Angry Red Planet"

"The hell with radiation. Let's go."

Saintsmaen


OH MAN
OH GOD
OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN
OH GOD
OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD

*camera spins around wildly*


An example of bad movie logic is when things explode just because.  Like at the end of the Street Fighter movie when Bison gets thrown into a large screen, which causes an absolutely enormous explosion.  But I like explosions so I don't mind that particular type of gibberish.

Also, pretty much any line from the Star Wars prequels

"Shoot him down!"
*pause*
"We're out of rockets, sir."

I dunno, you could uhhm....  Fire the lasers you've been firing the entire movie?  Yoda has some great ones too;  "around the survivors a perimeter create".  They really took the piss with Yoda's garbled English in the prequels.

Saintsmaen


"Mother, you're alive! "Too bad you.... shall die!"

Yuuuup.
10 points to the person who gets those two.

Annihilation.

The fact that Anakin killed women and children and Padme doesn't care. Furthermore, later on she tells him he's changed at the end of Revenge of the Sith when in fact he has never changed at all.

Instead of Spock throwing Kirk in the brig for insubordination he maroons him on an ice planet to be devoured alive. Temper temper.

Heh. Astronomer Phil Plait (who also does Discover Magazine's "Bad Astronomy" blog wrote up a review of the movie Armageddon, pointing out all the basic scientific errors that could have been avoided by hiring one or two consultants with very little cost.

http://www.badastronomy.com/bad/movies/armpitageddon.html


I think he's done similar reviews for summer blockbuster other movies with hither body counts than IQs.

I'm paraphrasing a little here becaus eI don't feel like digging out my VHS box set....
 
Back To The Future 1:
Marty:  Does this thing run on regular gasoline?
Doc:  Unfortunately, no,  it requires something with a little more kick - Plutonium!
 
Back To The Future 3:
Doc:  One of the arrows ruptured the fuel line
Marty: Well we have Mr. Fusion now blah blah blah
Doc:  That's just for the time circuits and flux capacitor, the engine runs on regular gasoline - it always has.
 

 

I hate the lines in movies that are meant to show what a badass the character is. For example, "Some mother fuckers are always trying to ice skate up hill." This was Blade's final line of the first movie and it was awful.

Next example, and probably the most cringe inducing: the remake of Gone in 60 Seconds. This movie isn't a gem by any means. The bad guy (Whose name I can't recall because he's THAT insignificant) says "It never rains, but it pours." referring to the Raines brothers and the vengance he intens to take on them for his contract not being fulfilled. I don't know what the writers were thinking here, but that lines not only makes ZERO sense, but it's not bad ass at all. And of course, we cut back to Will Patton following the phone conversation. His reaction implies something along the lines of "Oh no....We've angered the beast. We're in trouble now." Really? After that line? Yuck.

"They're eating her.....and then they're going to eat me! Oh my Gooooood." (Troll 2)

"GARBAGE DAY!" (Silent Night, Deadly Night Pt. 2)

Oblivion86


"They're eating her.....and then they're going to eat me! Oh my Gooooood." (Troll 2)

"GARBAGE DAY!" (Silent Night, Deadly Night Pt. 2)

How the Hell did I forget that from Troll 2? Those who haven't seen it yet, need to, last I checked it was on Hulu.

Garbage Day!!  Can't believe I forgot that one...  Haven't seen the movie, but holy shit everybody look up that scene on YouTube

A Change of Stevens


I'm paraphrasing a little here becaus eI don't feel like digging out my VHS box set....
 
Back To The Future 1:
Marty:  Does this thing run on regular gasoline?
Doc:  Unfortunately, no,  it requires something with a little more kick - Plutonium!
 
Back To The Future 3:
Doc:  One of the arrows ruptured the fuel line
Marty: Well we have Mr. Fusion now blah blah blah
Doc:  That's just for the time circuits and flux capacitor, the engine runs on regular gasoline - it always has.
 

 

I have a theory on this.

I have a feeling Doc thought Marty was referring to the Flux Capacitor in general when he said "does it run on gasoline" to which Doc, responded correctly, "no it runs on plutonium." However the car's engine itself runs on gasoline. The have a feeling the FC starts up a separate engine that is probably what's in the back which propels the car into subspace while the ordinary engine in the hood is what brings the car up to 88. Therefore the FC and the engine are two completely separate units of the car however he must have the FC setup to initiate at 88 MPH and then the FC engages. Not sure why 88MPH is needed, but hey it sounds great on film. So does 1.21 jigawatts. I'm pretty sure I'm right on this in that the car itself when it is driving normally sounds as if it has a normal engine that burns fuel. I would think a plutonium based engine would sound a bit "different".

Actually Doc answers this question as I see it written above.

double post

"Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in"
-Al Pacino (The Godfather III)

Cheesy stupidity

=====================================================
"You guys think you're above the law... well you ain't above mine!"
-Steven Seagal (Above The Law)

=====================================================
"Hey, you're bleeding"
"I Ain't Got Time To Bleed"
-Jesse Ventura (Predator)

=====================================================

 

Blood Diamond.

In his most shitty accent, Leo with his retarded "Bling Bang" line.

Fuck you, DiCaprio.

Basically every "ice pun" uttered from Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin. That whole movie is a treasure trove of bad movie lines.

"Ice to meet you"

Oblivion86


Basically every "ice pun" uttered from Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin. That whole movie is a treasure trove of bad movie lines.

"Ice to meet you"

 
"Cool Party"
 
Or
 
"Just Chill"

Oblivion86


Basically every "ice pun" uttered from Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin. That whole movie is a treasure trove of bad movie lines.

"Ice to meet you"

Hahah ya, but it is AHHNOLD that says them so you gotta love it.

I'm shocked nobody has mentioned the worst line in movie history...

Storm from X-Men: "Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?  The same thing that happens to everything else."

Ew.

/end thread

KirksNoseHair


"Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in"
-Al Pacino (The Godfather III)

Cheesy stupidity

=====================================================
"You guys think you're above the law... well you ain't above mine!"
-Steven Seagal (Above The Law)

=====================================================
"Hey, you're bleeding"
"I Ain't Got Time To Bleed"
-Jesse Ventura (Predator)

=====================================================

You forgot the worse Seagal line in history.

guy #1: You're shot!
Seagal: This? This ain't being shot.

and yeah that line from Storm in X-Men was one of the absolute worst in history. I should compile a top ten list and make a youtube video.

Umm... all of Batman Forever qualifies.

spacedyevest


I'm shocked nobody has mentioned the worst line in movie history...

Storm from X-Men: "Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?  The same thing that happens to everything else."

Ew.

/end thread

That line would have been kinda funny if it weren't for the painfully obvious fact that Halle Berry is a model and NOT an actress. She said it without a hint of Kafkaesque absurdity or banal understatement.

...not that I expect her to know who Kafka is or what the word "banal" means.

any line from Con Air ? 

DoctorX


That line would have been kinda funny if it weren't for the painfully obvious fact that Halle Berry is a model and NOT an actress. She said it without a hint of Kafkaesque absurdity or banal understatement.

...not that I expect her to know who Kafka is or what the word "banal" means.

shes not an actress?  have you seen monsters ball?

I'm always irritated by any tortured cliche.  It just smacks of a lazy screenwriter phoning it in, or thinking the audience are a bunch of morons who won't notice that it's been said about eight hundred million times before.  The one that I always hate is, "I'm getting too old for this shit," which has been uttered in the Lethal Weapon movies among many others.

Any movie that Michael Bay has any part in will undoubtedly have some of the most inane dialogue ever.

colin007

DoctorX


That line would have been kinda funny if it weren't for the painfully obvious fact that Halle Berry is a model and NOT an actress. She said it without a hint of Kafkaesque absurdity or banal understatement.

...not that I expect her to know who Kafka is or what the word "banal" means.

shes not an actress?  have you seen monsters ball?

The movie where she plays an ignorant doofus?

That role was as much her "acting" as it was for Russell Crowe to play a pompous tool in Master and Commander.

DoctorX

colin007

DoctorX


That line would have been kinda funny if it weren't for the painfully obvious fact that Halle Berry is a model and NOT an actress. She said it without a hint of Kafkaesque absurdity or banal understatement.

...not that I expect her to know who Kafka is or what the word "banal" means.

shes not an actress?  have you seen monsters ball?

The movie where she plays an ignorant doofus?

That role was as much her "acting" as it was for Russell Crowe to play a pompous tool in Master and Commander.

Hmm.... both roles I thought deserved praise.

The ship is sinking. People are screaming, falling to their deaths. Jack and Rose make it to the railing. Rose says, "Jack, this is where we first met!" - Titanic

Scifi Saint

The ship is sinking. People are screaming, falling to their deaths. Jack and Rose make it to the railing. Rose says, "Jack, this is where we first met!" - Titanic

This line never really bothered me in that in a crisis situation knowing you are about to die, you will sometimes say the strangest or non sequiter thing. Her saying that in my mind was trying to get dry humor out of a bad situation. Kind of like in Blues Brothers when the nazi's fly off the bridge and are 10,000 feet above Chicago and the one nazi says to the other, "I love you". Sure it was parody but it actually isn't too far fetched in a real traumatic situation.

When it comes to Titanic, my biggest beef comes with David Warner not shooting Jack when he pretty much was thinking it and would have gotten away with it, and then Billy Zane shooting the hell out of Jack and Rose as if we need yet ANOTHER situation to make the already worse case scenerio situation worse. It came awfully close to Armaggedon where everything and your mother making a surprise visit to your house would happen.

In the absolutely horrendous "Righteous Kill" with De Niro and Pacino (why on earth did they like this script?), one cop says to the other (while at a murder scene): "We need to find who's doing this."

Monk

Scifi Saint

The ship is sinking. People are screaming, falling to their deaths. Jack and Rose make it to the railing. Rose says, "Jack, this is where we first met!" - Titanic

This line never really bothered me in that in a crisis situation knowing you are about to die, you will sometimes say the strangest or non sequiter thing. Her saying that in my mind was trying to get dry humor out of a bad situation. Kind of like in Blues Brothers when the nazi's fly off the bridge and are 10,000 feet above Chicago and the one nazi says to the other, "I love you". Sure it was parody but it actually isn't too far fetched in a real traumatic situation.

When it comes to Titanic, my biggest beef comes with David Warner not shooting Jack when he pretty much was thinking it and would have gotten away with it, and then Billy Zane shooting the hell out of Jack and Rose as if we need yet ANOTHER situation to make the already worse case scenerio situation worse. It came awfully close to Armaggedon where everything and your mother making a surprise visit to your house would happen.

My problem with Titanic is at the end of the movie *spoilers* (if you've been living under a rock) when Rose is floating on the piece of wood which is clearly large enough for two people and Jack is forced to freeze to death in the water.  Wtf, they were on top of each other for the prior 2 and a half hours of the movie, but they can't be bothered to lie on top of each other on a piece of wood to save their lives?

DoctorX

colin007

DoctorX


That line would have been kinda funny if it weren't for the painfully obvious fact that Halle Berry is a model and NOT an actress. She said it without a hint of Kafkaesque absurdity or banal understatement.

...not that I expect her to know who Kafka is or what the word "banal" means.

shes not an actress?  have you seen monsters ball?

The movie where she plays an ignorant doofus?

That role was as much her "acting" as it was for Russell Crowe to play a pompous tool in Master and Commander.

Finally someone agrees with me. I'll never get how she got praises for this movie. 

As far as bad movie lines go, there's this movie called Judge Dredd (awful, pathetic excuse of a movie), where this female judge is fighting with a doctor. The judge knocks the doctor's ass to the ground and the doctor calls her a bitch. The judge replies: "Judge Bitch". I cringe everytime I listen to this line. 

The big movie logic one for me is Terminator.  The question being: How can Kyle be John Connor's father when it was John Connor who actually sent him back from the future?  The whole franchise is built on something which to me doesn't make sense.  I love the movies though, even 3 and 4.

As for terrible lines well the Star Wars movies are full of them but a personal fave of mine is from Steven Seagal, it might have been in Exit Wounds, "What am I, a shit magnet?  I actually did laugh out loud and rewound the movie several times.