HELP!!! PLease-Desperately seekind advice about LOVE-

Whats a girl to do when shes hopelessly in love w/ her ex-boyfriend who she hurt more than words can describe. They were crazy about eachother and wanted to grow old and grey one day. But, being the selfish fool she was-she broke his heart when he found out she had cheated on him and lied about it when he confronted her and said many things she didnt mean. She owned up to her mistakes, aplogized endlessly and went out of her way to make it up to him. But, he wasnt the same. Months passed and eventually he decided he wasnt over it and needed time to think. He told her he wasnt sure of what he wanted and if hed ever take her back. She was devastated and hurt because it seemed as if it was over because he never called her or spoke to her about their relationship. So, she moved on, at least she " thought" she did. Eventually, he came around again and decided he wanted her back. At this time, she wasnt ready and thought that if she got back w/ him hed bring up the past, question her when shed go out, falsely accuse her, etc. She told him she wanted to see other people. However, she didnt and she soon realized he was all she wanted. When she tried talking to him he was cold, distant and angry. Not to mention spiteful. It seemed as if he was playing head games and paying her back for all she put him through. Things worsened and they started saying hurtful things, back and forth, out of spite. When she asked him if he still loved her, he said no. But, it ws in the way he said it that leads her to believe he doesnt mean it. Despite all thats taken place, she will not give up on him no matter how hard she tries. She thinks theres potential and if he honored her w/ another chance she treat him like gold and prove to him that it was worth it and she could be trusted. In the meantime, she goes out, meets guys, dates, etc., but, she wears blinders and only has eyes for the one she hurt. WHAT SHOULD SHE DO? SHOULD SHE WAIT AROUND, HOPING AND PRAYING THAT HELL COME AROUND AGAIN? SHOULD SHE MOVE ON AND LET GO? PLEASE HELP U ALWAYS DO!!!!!!!!

I would tell the guy to take the advice my Momma always said " once a cheater, always a cheater"

You should have treated him " like gold" the first time you had him!

Looks like " dickies girl" aint gonna be getting no " dickie" for a long time

If she was/is so hopelessly ' in love' with her ex bf, she wouldn' t have cheated on her to begin with. In my book, cheating = getting your ass kicked to the curb.

Woops...

PEACE...

Personally, I would NEVER trust someone who cheated on me. It would be over, no questions asked.

SHOULD SHE WAIT AROUND, HOPING AND PRAYING THAT HELL COME AROUND AGAIN?

I don' t think that is the solution..
But seriously, zat is a though one..

ORIGINAL: SymphonyOfDreams

Huh? first I dont think you/she made a mistake by dumping his ass off when he cheated on you/her. I think going back to him will be the mistake.

I think it was the girl who was doing the cheating, not the guy.

Well, first off, I think you' re going to get some smart-ass answers so ignore those. Sounds like a complex situation and there really is no easy answer I am afraid. Just a few things to keep in mind.

1) Even though you have admitted and apologized for your mistake, rebuilding trust takes time for sure. A lot of times there is no way to speed up this process I' m afraid. It takes just seeing someone and the way they act over time.

2) Just because of what happened before, does not mean you deserve to have head games played with you back. If this is truly the case, then you need to move on. Accept the whole situation as a learning experience that will hopefully teach you things for future relationships.

3) You need to have a heart to heart with him about his desires for a future relationship. I don' t think anyone here can tell you whether you should move on or not. It is up to you. But having said that, if he is clear that he has no desire or immediate desire for a relationship, then perhaps you energy would be better spent on someone that does want to be with you right now.

Otherwise...just take you time and make sure to communicate.

I was on the receiving end of that kind of a relationship not too long ago.

Needless to say, I got outta there ' cause I realized that I no longer wanted to go through that crap again.

As for her, she comes to where I work (a restaurant)to see how I am...I know she' s waiting, even though she comes in with other people. I just smile and say hi.

I just stopped trying after all that happened (doesn' t mean that I don' t care).

I know you don' t want to hear it, but he' s probably not coming back. Stop waiting, move on...If he comes back, give him another chance...On the same note, if he doesn' t come back, there are other people out there (It' s not the same, but it could be better).

I hope you learned your lesson...Don' t cheat, it only f**ks up everything!

Have you ever seen a crisp 50 dollar bill?

I was the guy in a story like this once.

What I learned from it is that my gut instinct is right more often than I give it credit for and I should have never gotten involved with this girl in the first place. From now on, with any new girl I meet, it' s " one strike and you' re out."

ORIGINAL: British

I was the guy in a story like this once.

What I learned from it is that my gut instinct is right more often than I give it credit for and I should have never gotten involved with this girl in the first place. From now on, with any new girl I meet, it' s " one strike and you' re out."

Same here.

You screwed up. Take your lesson and apply it to your next relationship. The last one is over. Deal.

Sorry to sound harsh, but it all boils down to that.

Same Here. I was on the receiving end of this crap once too. One strike and your are outta there!

heh I' m with the " if they do it once, they' ll do it again" crowd. time to move on I think.

Have you ever seen a crisp 50 dollar bill?

" Here' s a 50 incase I get drunk and call you a bitch later." - Vince Vaughn

I say move on from your mistake and look for someone else. No one' s perfect and you' re always gonna make mistakes in any relationship. Learn from them and move on. If your ex-mate doesn' t feel the same, what do you expect? Get over it, move on and find someone new.

I am with the general concensus here. But you know I think its rather selfish of you to say that you love him more than words can describe but yet you cheated on him? That is the fact right? I personally would have nothing to do with any girlfriend that cheated on me, actually I have been through it before and it wasn' t a fun time in my life , so I moved on hoping to never see or talk to that person again.

Bear

This be a tad bit harsh BUT let me see if I got this right.

Boy meets girl and falls in love.
Girl cheats on boy.
Boy is angry.
Boy decides to try again with this girl. She is not ready.
She THEN realizes that she truely wants him.
He becomes hostile and tells her to **** off.

All I have to say is GOOD FOR HIM!! I don' t take cheating lightly. And on top of cheating you lied to cover up your infidelity. This ' girl' seems to to be alone because she obviously has relationship issues.

I' ve been on the recieving end of this before, and after the mistake of taking the woman back after it, I' ve learned my lesson.
Now, if you blow it with me, there is no room for a second chance.

Reguardless why, who with, or any other circumstnaces, if you cheat on the person you' re with you DON' T love that person liek you think or say you do. There are no mistakes or accidents like that. I could personally never trust someone who cheated on me EVER. I' ve never cheated on the person I was with for that very reason. I know how it feels to be that guy, so I wouldn' t wish it on anyone, no matter WHO the lady is.

Just my jaded opinion of course, but hope you get things straightened out.

ORIGINAL: darlene
Looks like " dickies girl" aint gonna be getting no " dickie" for a long time

I almost spit my mouth full of water all over my computer.

I’m still laughing! Definitely a candidate for PROGnostications

Now, if you blow it with me, there is no room for a second chance.

Exactly. I would not forgive ANYONE of cheating.

 $> man woman
 $> Segmentation fault (core dumped)
 

ORIGINAL: HDrums


Now, if you blow it with me, there is no room for a second chance.

What if she just blows you?

This topic goes from dickies to blow jobs. Who saw that coming?

I' d hit it

Sorry..been browsing through fark.com too much lately..

okay...i must defend myself..has anyone ever seen " a love story" ...u know that line.." love means never having to say ur sorry" ...well, its true, u wouldnt hurt anyone u love...there are no mistakes in love..there are reasons why i made these mistakes and i suppose that if i made them..i never loved him to begin w/. this is true..so theres really isnt any justifiable explanation for my actions...except that i was young and stupid and craved attention..theres more to it obviously. it seems to me that..those who r doggin me...have been hurt like this..or have never done this to anyone..whatever the case...u r right..and as harsh as ur advice was..w/ the exception of OBLIVIONOCEAN--(THANK U-i appreciate ur optimism and sincerity)..ill take it like a woman..BELIEVE IT OR NOT..sometimes the assailant...not the victim needs a little sympathy..b/c i have served my sentence..more than one heart is broken...thanks for the response...all of u..but, its too easy to give up...

ORIGINAL: InukSean

ORIGINAL: British

I was the guy in a story like this once.

What I learned from it is that my gut instinct is right more often than I give it credit for and I should have never gotten involved with this girl in the first place. From now on, with any new girl I meet, it' s " one strike and you' re out."

Same here.

Same here.

Move on. And just treat every other guy you meet with total honesty. You' ll have a lot less problems.

DickiesGirl-


Do I know you? Your tale sounds exactly like the one of my last girlfriend...

Your story sounds unmistakeably similar to the shit I was just put through in the past year. There' s a lot of things I could say to you to say how retarded you are about this whole thing...but I think everyone else has put it to you much nicer than I would.

Damn sketchy womens...



(edit: added rant)

Bytor, she' s pretty new. Maybe you do know her and she came on here to get your attention.

ORIGINAL: acos2

Bytor, she' s pretty new. Maybe you do know her and she came on here to get your attention.

Ha ha - if that were the case at all - consider it gotten and consider me all the more pissed off

@sickiestgirl:
Move on. Get over it. Learn from your mistakes [a.k.a. grow up] meet new people. End of story.

Works great for me and for most of the ppl i know.

ORIGINAL: DickiesGirl
BELIEVE IT OR NOT..sometimes the assailant...not the victim needs a little sympathy..b/c i have served my sentence..more than one heart is broken...thanks for the response...all of u..but, its too easy to give up...

You might find that after a while, you' ll realize that you didn' t belong together anyway. I think that if you cheated, there was probably something wrong with the relationship. I' ve been the guy in a similar scenario. It may work again. It may not. All I' m saying is that you shouldn' t be surprised if one day you wake up a few years older with the perspective that you didn' t belong together anyway.

As another representative of the recieving end, I say that deserve everything you got and if you really love this guy as much as you say you do then you will leave him the fuck alone and let him heal. He has no reason to trust you and I can' t blame him. And on the off chance that you did come hear to get the attention of that special guy knowing he frequents this board, then that makes you even more of looser than you were before. The only good that could possibly come from a situation like this is that maybe next time you will stop and think before you do something stupid.

I tried to suger coat it but it just didn' t work out.

ORIGINAL: DickiesGirl

1) Whats a girl to do when shes hopelessly in love w/ her ex-boyfriend who she hurt more than words can describe. They were crazy about eachother and wanted to grow old and grey one day. But, being the selfish fool she was-she broke his heart when he found out she had cheated on him and lied about it when he confronted her and said many things she didnt mean.

2) She was devastated and hurt because it seemed as if it was over because he never called her or spoke to her about their relationship.

3) Eventually, he came around again and decided he wanted her back. At this time, she wasnt ready and thought that if she got back w/ him hed bring up the past, question her when shed go out, falsely accuse her, etc. She told him she wanted to see other people.

4) When she tried talking to him he was cold, distant and angry. Not to mention spiteful.

5) She thinks theres potential and if he honored her w/ another chance she treat him like gold and prove to him that it was worth it and she could be trusted.

This is a very touchy subject with me. Firstly, I' m wondering what specifically drove you to cheat on him when you mentioned so clearly how much you loved him and how crazy about him you were.

Now I' ll go point by point:

1) Lying to him was your second biggest mistake (the first, and most obvious one, being cheating on him). Every time you lie to him makes it harder for him to believe anything else you say.

2) What can you expect when you cheat on him and then lie to him about it? I' m sure his degree of devastation was much higher than yours. I don' t think you felt devastation so much as guilt.

3) So he finally gets over it, decides that love conquers all, forgives you, and then you decide that you want to see other people. All this while complaining how devastated you were, and how much you wanted him back? I don' t understand why you would' ve done this. Here, again, your unexplainable actions detract from your credibility -- do you think he' d actually want to believe anything you say?

4) Do you blame him for being cold, distant, angry, and spiteful? I sure don' t. You treated him like shit, period.

5) Even if you plan on treating him like gold, I doubt you' d convince him of it. So many times in the situation you describe you showed how poorly you treated him; what will you do to make him believe that everything you have ever done to him was just an accident, or a fluke, or a cause of some misguided immature selfishness?

I personally don' t think you have a hope in hell of getting him back. He seems like a nice guy with a good heart -- he DID forgive you once, after all the stuff you did to him.

I also hope you never do this to another person. You may have been devastated that your actions ended the relationship initially, but I' m sure you haven' t the faintest clue how awful you made him feel.

I' m sorry if I seem harsh, but cheating is disgusting.

Move on. It' s over.

I truly am shocked here. What a judgemental bunch we have here. Let me say:

That I don' t condone cheating
I have never cheated on a person I have been in love with
And I don' t know what I would have done in his situation.

But having said that I think alot of people in here are being very judgemental. She just asked for advice. I guess not many people in here have made any mistakes or regreted the way you have treated someone you were in love with.

If you don' t think the a good number of people on the forum have cheated on someone then, they are dead wrong.I think she realized what she did was wrong, but was asking for some advice not judgement. It is one thing to realistically tell her she might have to live with this mistake and move on to someone else. It is another to resort to name calling etc.

You' re right Matt.

Ok, here' s my advice: you said you wanted to treat him like gold? Why don' t you find someone else and treat him like gold. Sort of like a self-redemption of sorts. Prove to yourself that you can actually do it.

Good luck.

ORIGINAL: Jared

Ok, here' s my advice: you said you wanted to treat him like gold? Why don' t you find someone else and treat him like gold. Sort of like a self-redemption of sorts. Prove to yourself that you can actually do it.

Good luck.

Jared you ROCK...I think this is the best advice you could be given...if you' re truly sorry...learn from you mistake...make things right in a new relationship and never look back.

Since this one' s still going, I guess I' ll get somehat serious here and say to DickiesGirl that it seems to me that you have some growing up to do before you get involved with anyone else or the ex for that matter. You definitely need to get yourself and your life together first so that 1) you won' t be tempted to inject drama into your next relationship by screwing around with someone else and 2) you' ll attract someone who you genuinely care for and who genuinely cares for you so you won' t feel the need to inject drama into the relationship by screwing around with someone else. In addition to you feeling the need for drama, it seems like your ex wasn' t giving you the attention you needed. On the other hand, if he tried his best and you made unreasonable demands on his time and attention, then he probably had already given up and your relationship was already dead on the table by the time you went somewhere else for attention. And I' m pretty sure from your original post that you need to find out what real love is before you use it that many times in a paragraph about someone you clearly did not love.

To recap, work on yourself first, don' t worry about finding someone else for now, lose the need for drama, figure out was love is before you go looking for it.